She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
