went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize