Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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