maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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