I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
