i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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