do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
