About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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