so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize