I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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