His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
