Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
