seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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