mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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