If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
