Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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