I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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