can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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