I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
