When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
