who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
