Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
