1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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