do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
