If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
