I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
