Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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