lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
