As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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