it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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