He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
