just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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