you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize