he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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