I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
