Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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