dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
