You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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