Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
