I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pooping to opera.
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