HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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