you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize