After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
