No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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