i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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