A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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