it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
