he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
