I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
