and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
worst night to have a conscience
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
