I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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