I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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