my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
