i jhust puked up my retainher.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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