the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
