id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
