Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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