apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize