my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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