I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
