Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
