I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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