great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
