Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize