Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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