A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
