I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
