i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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