There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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