hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
