i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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