i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I stole a fireplace last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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