if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
