Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
