Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
