I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
