I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
