physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
