I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
