Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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